The Freedom of Forgiveness

Philippians 4:7 -

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 4:32 -

And be kind to one another, full of pity, having forgiveness for one another, even as God in Christ had forgiveness for you.


One of the most difficult things we as humans face, is the FACT that something or someone will hurt us. It is part of life. It is a guarantee that you will not leave this life unscathed, un-scarred, and undamaged. You will get hurt. Pure and simple... :-)

...and a grudge will eat you alive.

I have ALWAYS taken forgiveness very seriously. If I tell someone that I forgive them, then I had BETTER be ready to let it go... whatever it was, if I say "I forgive you"... then it's done. It's gone. It's OK. I will not hold it over their head. If I can't do that, then I won't tell them they're forgiven, because it would be a lie.

You want to experience true freedom? Find that thing that hurts you the most... dissect it. Take it apart. Piece by piece until you get to the guts of the issue. Then you face it. Head on. Let me tell you, it will hurt... all over again like it was happening to you right then. Chances are, you won't understand why someone did what they did. They may not even be sorry for what they did. They may twist every truth you've ever known and try to make it your fault. And you know... that's OK. That's human nature. To place the blame somewhere else - and not take responsibility for what they did.

But here's where the freedom comes... you hit your knees, and you pray. You ask Christ to allow you to borrow some of His grace and place it like a bandage over the open wound. No imperfect human can truly forgive without Divine intervention. Because what you're doing is really allowing Him to fix the hole in your heart... it's not fixing that other person. It can take a lot of time, or you can get there in a day or two... it just depends.

When you can let go... and realize that people are people, and they make mistakes... sometimes HUGE ones... you can forgive. Lord knows that I have done my fair share of hurting other people. Does that all of a sudden make me a horrible person? Make me less than what He has made me? Nope. I'm still the same person. I'm still worthy of love... I'm a screw up, but so is everyone else. The MINUTE I forget that, I am in the wrong. If I ever HOPE to receive forgiveness from that person that I love with every breath I have WHEN, not IF, I hurt them, then I have to be ready to give it first.

And there's that freedom... the freedom to say, "I love you..." and mean it... with no strings attached... Love keeps no record of wrongs, right? Right. So cowboy up and get it figured out. Forgiveness is a privilege - but He has instructed us to GIVE it. So, that means, if He is capable of forgiving us of our sins, WHO ON EARTH are we to decide who does and does not receive forgiveness?

So forgive... and receive the peace that passeth all understanding, the grace and the healing and the love that He wants to give you.

Take a deep breath, clean up the mess, hold His hand, and keep on going...

"To err is human, to forgive - Divine..."
- Alexander Pope

"Feels Like Home"

(To hear the song... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjky7v7JIow)

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself

Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms

There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast

Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been

And how long I've been so alone

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along

And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street

And a siren wails in the night

But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me

And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me

And how long I've waited for your touch

And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

TRUTH... what is it?

Truth...

What is it?

When you strip away the fear, the madness, the hurt, the facades, the guises, the past, the what if's and the should have beens... what you are left with is truth. Cold, hard, truth.

Truth can be brutal. It is brutal when you are attempting to reconcile what you say with what IS... and it is brutal when you're the one being reconciled with. When you're the one facing the cold hard truth for the first time.

So after the initial slap in the face, the sucker punch to the gut, what do you do? The wind is still knocked out of you, but you're standing back up.

What do you do?

Do you pretend that nothing happened? Like the truth that was just revealed to you isn't so?

No. What you do is hit your knees, pray for clarity and the knowledge of when and how to apply grace. When is it right to forgive and forget? It's probably always right to forgive... but how do you know when it's safe to forget, too? Or can you really ever know?

What is the truth?? Are you getting a straight story now? All of a sudden? When the previous story was NOT true? The story has changed... has the person?

That's the problem with truth... it's not always put out there for you to see. That is the unfair, unbiased, irrevocable truth about truth. Sometimes you just have to struggle through hell to figure it out. You have to take chances... risk it ALL sometimes. Risk big, win big. Man it sucks.

I personally am tired of being a punching bag and a casual convenience. I'm the only one who can put a stop to that. And believe me... I will.

But here's something else to always remember:

1. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

2. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

10. but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

11. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I put childish ways behind me.

12. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


...and that pretty much sums it up.

Post-Florida... ZzzzZZzzzZZzzz

Ok, so the entire clan made it to Florida for Ga-Ga's service, which, by the way, was quite personal and poignant. Many people were given the chance to say a few words about him. It was nice to hear what everyone remembered. The general overtone of the event was that of somber joy... if that makes any sense at all. We were all sad that he wasn't with us anymore, but ecstatic that he's in a better place.

Please pray for my grandmother's health. She had a very very bad cough and hadn't slept in days. Her emotional well-being seemed to be ok, though.

I'm not sure about everyone else, but I am utterly exhausted. I barely slept while I was there... and haven't really had a great night's sleep since I've been back. Being in the car that long wears me out too.

I'm ready for a long winter's nap... I was so tired today, that I went home for lunch and had a NAP for lunch... was too tired to eat. THAT, my friends, is T-I-R-E-D!!!! This girl loves to eat!!! :o)

Anyway, thanks to everyone that prayed for my family this week and checked up on us. It has been greatly appreciated...

Things I remember...

Yesterday, my Ga-Ga finally went to be with Jesus... For the better part of the last 10 years, he has been plagued with Alzheimer's. If you've ever seen the effects of this horrible disease, and I hope you NEVER do, you know just how debilitating it is. It is a slow deterioration of first the memory, then speech, then motor skills, etc... until it leaves you bedridden and completely dependent on those around you.

So, in a sense, I lost my grandpa when I was still in college. However, we used to spend a lot of time in Florida when we were all growing up and thankfully, I have many sweet memories of him.

I remember how when we'd go pick blueberries that he'd wear shorts, flip-flops, a long sleeved shirt and a straw hat... and a BIG smile. That man ALWAYS always smiled... and giggled... Hmm... maybe that's where I get it from... :o)

I remember him tinkering with all kinds of random little projects. I even have an OLD electric skillet with a hand-crafted wooden leg that he made when the plastic one broke... it still has the little red rubber-band on it that he put there over 10 years ago...

I remember how much he loved his critters... usually some ridiculously large and furry cat that had the most peculiar personality... he always found those crazy cats...

I remember this one time that we went to some buffet and he got a PLATE... a DINNER plate, folks, and filled it with softserve ice cream!!! HAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Hhmmm... maybe this is where I get my intense love of ice cream!

I remember how every morning Gi-Gi would fix him this industrial size bowl of oatmeal and put weird things in it... like raisins and milk... and who knows what else... and he'd eat it ALL with this massive spoon. Every morning.

I remember walking endless miles in the red dirt... listening to him telling us about the trees, the birds (he knew EVERY bird there ever was), everything around us. He even showed us how to make toothbrushes out of a certain type of tree sprig... and to look out for pygmy rattle snakes!! They could bite your toe and kill you! :o)

I remember the creek... and sifting through the silt and sand to find the clay... then we'd paint our faces with it...

I remember how when we'd first get there and he'd give us a hug, he'd hold us SO tightly that it hurt just a little - he was always sooo strong... and that his face was always a little bit scruffy...

I remember his laugh... how his whole face lit up... his nose and eyes all wrinkled up with giddiness, and then he'd SMACK his knee and say, "Boy, I tell you!!" And "You know, they say it's all relative!"

I remember floating the river with him... fishing in the river with him... going to Destin & Ft. Walton Beaches with him.

I remember how one time, he stood up for me and believed ME when no one else would... how that set him apart in my mind... how I knew without a doubt that he loved me.

I remember a lot of the little things... his silly jokes, how he'd put a belt around my head when I had a headache... HAHAHAH!!! Wow haven't thought of that in years... he was always helping... always trying to make things better.

I remember his love... his love for his Father above, and his unconditional love for his family.

I remember how much he looks like my mom... she has the same eye & nose scrunching laugh, and the same level of exuberance when she gets tickled... she also has the same servants heart and desire to fix and help.

Those are the things I want to remember... And now, finally, he is not bound by the confines of his imperfect human body and we can celebrate with him and for his restoration... I'm sure Jesus is enjoying some of those silly knee-slapping jokes right about now...

I love you Ga-Ga...

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I started writing this blog because I was thinking about some of the sad stories I have of big fat letdowns on Valentine's Day, but you know what? WHOOOO CARES! That's not going to be the case this year, so why even THINK about the bad ones in the past? So far, I've had a wonderful Christmas, an awesome birthday, and pretty much every day in between has been awesome. Valentine's Day will be wonderful too. :o)

I know it's a "Hallmark Holiday" but seriously... if you have someone in your life that you love, it can be a lot of fun. I even send things to some of my girlfriends, too! I think it's important to tell the people in your life that you love them... it's just tough on a little budget! But even the small things count. A phone call, an e-card, a hug... it's a good time to make people feel special. Obviously you can't reach everyone, so if I haven't talked to you today,

that doesn't mean I don't love you!!!! :o)

AND! This year, I have my very own Valentine!

P.S. - I'm a cheeseball... I know... HAHAHAHA!!!

Gap insurance... if you don't have it, get it...

So, the honeymoon is over... Helga has met an unfortunate challenge...

Thanks to the driving deficiencies in this good old town, my PERFECT and NEW car has a bad ugly booboo... Monday, Feb. 4th I was rear-ended. Lovely. I was sitting pretty much PERFECTLY still in my PERFECT and NEW car... when

@*&#^*& BLAMMMMMMO!!!!

Some dude in a '92 Ford Mustang decided it was a brilliant idea to try to park his clunker on my PERFECT bumper... at probably 50 mph or something... I really don't know...

I, however, do NOT think this is a good idea. Neither does my neck & back... I am now going to the chiropractor every week day to be adjusted. Injuries aren't too bad, but I basically haven't had a good night's sleep since the accident, and I started having anxiety attacks and nightmares. Sounds pretty stupid, right? I agree. Unfortunately, I'm just gonna have to wait it out to get back on track. I'm avoiding traffic for a little while so I get my confidence back, and it's coming back, thankfully.

So, if you end up purchasing a new car, or relatively new car, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE inquire about GAP INSURANCE. This basically means, if my car ends up being totaled, my Gap Insurance will cover the difference between what I owe on the car, and what the insurance actually pays for it. It's an effort to displace some of the depreciation.

I PRAY that they can fix it and we don't have to worry about it. However, if they don't, I'm a LOT better off financially than I had at first thought... I'd honestly forgotten that I purchased that with the car. YAY ME, and thank God for sending people into my life who have good advice!!

Don't cry when you look at the photos... I do... Poooooor Helga... :-(